Friday, December 18, 2020

I'm still alive (sorry for such a long post)

                                                                I'm still alive...



A few weeks ago, I said something to my ex (girlfriend at the time) out of mania that I regret which almost lead to horrible consequences...

I don't really want to get into what I said but she was hurt by what I said and her mom didn't want us to be together. When I heard about this I panicked. I couldn't bare the guilt of what I had done. I took my longboard from the garage and headed to the bridge across the highway to end it all. I called my staff at the group home on the phone saying "I fucked up! I fucked up! She left me! I can't do this! He heard the sound of the cars and knew what I was about to do. thankfully, He called the police once he realized I was about to attempt suicide. 

When I got to the bridge, my roommate who I'm very close to happened to be going for a walk and found me trying to jump the fence. thankfully, the fence was too tall but after my roommate calmed me down I noticed a way down to the highway and started walking down the hill towards the short fence between me and the highway. She followed me up to the fence Begging me not to go. Through my mind I was justifying it saying "Everyone loses loved ones" I thought. "This is no different than when I lost two of my aunts to cancer". 

I hopped the fence to get to the highway and when I turned around I saw my roommate, a few of the staff and a police officer on the hill. I made it about 6" from the rush of cars before the officer grabbed me. Three more police cars showed up as well as an ambulance and they gently took me to the ground. They rolled a stretcher over and strapped me down with one hand behind my head and the other by my side. From there, they brought me to the hospital where I waited in the ER. 

The staff who was on the phone with me was there and was with me when I transferred over to the behavioral ER unit. While I was there I was talking to him about How I could have done things differently to succeed in killing myself. after a few minutes of this, he stopped me and said that he couldn't hear any more of this and that it would have broken him psychologically if I had succeeded and that he doesn't just work with me because it's his job. I was touched by this but still had the thoughts of "people will get over it eventually".

After being in the behavioral ER I went up to Station 20 since the young adult unit was full. That was the last I'd see of my staff until I was discharged. I stayed there for about Ten days (if I remember correctly) And made some friends, but there were also some jerks. As of posting this I've been to the psych ward eight times. probably more in the future. every time I'm there it causes some trauma. There's something called a Code 21 which means someone is danger to themselves or others. every day we'd hear  *ding* *ding* *ding* "Code 21, west building, 7ITC" (that's the adolescent intensive treatment center). While I was there I was mentally preparing myself for the relationship to be over. 

I couldn't check my texts because me, my roommate, and some of the staff (including the one with me in the ER) went on a trip to a nice cabin about 2 hours away from home. I didn't even get the chance to go home first but it was still lots of fun. when I got home, I texted my ex saying I couldn't go against her mom's wishes but she still wanted to be together. However, for me it didn't feel the same since I was mentally prepared and expecting the relationship to be over. eventually it was me that broke up with her.

Since then I've been trying to move forward and live with the trauma of it all. Lot's of safety precautions were put in place after this for obvious reasons.

It was very difficult to write this because I couldn't stop crying in the beginning thinking about all of the traumatic moments. I'm hoping to meet the first responders on scene and thank them to try to get over my fear of first responders. 

If you made it through all of this post, thank you.

Thursday, July 9, 2020

Getting to Know Me After it's Been a While...

I'm Lexi, those who knew me in person knew me as Tavin or Dr. Noodle Soup. 
It's been many years since I posted here so why not? I go by she/her pronouns, I'm a musician, I play bass and guitar and I like to sing, I'm a dancer and a little bit of an artist. I enjoy listening to various kinds of music. Mostly metal. My favorite band is System of a Down. 

I struggle with bipolar, I'm not very bright and I absolutely suck at grammar. I suffered a self inflicted head injury that caused seizures, memory loss and bad balance. I walk with a cane because of this

A lot of these posts are probably just going to be me venting about my problems. I'm not really expecting anyone to read this but if people do read this that's cool too.
 
- Lexi


Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Home in CA.

Hellloooooooooo, hello, hello! Its me, Dr.NoodleSoup, and I'm back and lots of stuff has happened. It all came together to bring me to live in CA!. This is the 2nd time I've driven across country. I got here a week ago, but we didn't have Internet for a while because AT&T messed up. So, we went with xfinity, and I'm blogging just after we got our Internet - like 5mins after! ANYWAYS, we brought Egbert, and he was cool with it until the TEN hour drive. Unfortunately, that was when he decided to meow or a few  hours,  but then stooped. Now he's REALLY happy to be home.


It's really beautiful here in CA. Oh and our street name is really mainstream; it's California Ave. WHO CAME UP WITH THAT NAME? I guess they had no ideas left.

Well, that's all for now, good-bye!

Monday, June 11, 2012

Dr. Noodle Soup - an unexpected journey

Hellooooooooo! I haven't been blogging lately and TONS of STUFF happened.  I'm traveling on a never ending journey.   First, I went to Virginia to visit my Nanny and Grandaddy. Then we went to Ohio; there wasn't much in Ohio, but I heard a guy play guitar at a restaurant.   Next, we went to Chicago and other places.  We stayed for a few days in Minneapolis with some friends. I like Minneapolis!  It's a pretty city with lots of lakes.

We continued our journey to the badlands; it was sooooooo fun!  We got to climb one of the pinnacles; it was kinda scary and very steep.  We heard rattlesnakes and saw big horn sheep, praire dogs, lots of birds.  We even saw bison in the distance. (They looked like small moving dots.) We saw the moon rise and the sunset at the same time!

Then we went to Lewis and Clark Caverns State Park in Montana.........it.....was..........AWESOME! We got kissed by the cave -being kissed by the cave is when a water drop falls from the ceiling and hits you on the head or face, and its good luck! After that, we went to Spokane, Washington.  From there we traveled to Portland to interview at a farm/intentional community.  It was fuuuuun! There were good people and another mandolin player and a really fun swing.

Now we're in Berkley, CA.  Motherdear grew up in southern CA.  One day in California, I went to adventure playground, a very fun playground, and swam in the Pacific Ocean - well actually the east bay which has water from the Pacific.

                                                       That's all for now; I'll try to blog if i get the chance.

                                                                                       good-bye and good luck!

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

A very active day

Hello; Today I got up and had breakfast and then went to my friend's house and then I went to the library AND THEN I went to Madison's house and we climbed a tree and had dinner ...... Oh, OI forgot to say Madison's cat had................KITENS and we pet them and then I did my blog thats all for now good bye!        

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Horton Halfpott

Hello, I'm going to be blogging about  A REALLY GOOD BOOK:  Horton Halfpott. It's a cool who-done-it book where the lump gets stolen, but I'm not going to dwell on that so you can read it. It's really good; it's so good that adults can read it! And I got The Strange case of Oragami Yoda by the same author Tom Angleberger.  That's all for now; good-bye!

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Happy Birthday to Dr. Noodle Soup

Yesterday I had one of my hippy pals over for a visit and we did some stufffffff then today I had . . .  . . . . . .A  BIRTH DAY!  And this camouflaged chap came (the penguin) AND ATE OUR PANCAKES.   Oh, and we had THE CAKE (from Portal) AND IT WAS NOT A LIE! And if the camouflaged chap does not eat the pancakes . . . . THEN IT WILL RIP A HOLE IN THE SPACE TIME CONTINUUM


So thats all for now.   Good-bye!